Inside Veronique

Veronique’s involvement with the APFL now spans 14 years, although, miraculously, she still seems today like the same 16 year-old French Exchange Student that she was way back in 2000: Time, it seems, cannot wither her. Here, for those of you who need
reminding, or were not around in 2000, is a summary of the ways that she had touched us over the years:

Euro 2000

…Veronique will be presenting the prizes on Friday evening at a special function booked in Truffles Bar, Drury Street, Glasgow where she tells me she has a part time job. She says she’s looking forward to pulling you up on stage to present your cheque to you and if you need any help at the other end she’s only too happy to pull you off too…

…If you move home, remember to send me one of those cute little change of address cards because you’ll be hearing from me again in April 2002, when I hope to have even more entrants and possibly even a Website (that is assuming the Internet isn’t obsolete by then). I don’t know what I’m doing with the rest of my summer but Veronique is off to Prague, to see her Doctor I think, or at least she keeps saying how she really needs a ‘check up’, so I assume that’s what she means…
World Cup 2002

…Fans of Veronique, the French Exchange Student, will be pleased to hear that she will be helping me again this year and she tells me she’s been thinking about nothing else for the last few weeks but getting bent over my desk and receiving everyone’s entries. By all accounts she has been practicing since Euro 2000 and now claims that she has developed a technique for taking two or three entries at a time! I cant wait to see that – so please don’t disappoint either of us…

…Judging from Veronique’s flushed red face and dishevelled hair on my return yesterday she has been celebrating England’s victory long and hard since Friday afternoon. Her own team France have not been doing well at all by any stretch of the imag. and so she has decided to find her pleasure in the successes of others by throwing a party for England. Funny enough though, the two Scots Jack & Phil appeared to have been joining in with Veronique’s party as they were equally flushed looking as I arrived back. Anyway, nice to see that they didn’t let their Scottish pride stop them from enjoying her craic…

…Its my own fault, I let Veronique go away with some friends on one of her horse trekking holidays in the Trossachs last week. She knows a couple of guys who are well equipped, like stallions, and couldn’t wait to take her up the mountain pass…

…Veronique and I can hardly cope with it all and we have had to hire a couple of elderly gents, Jack & Phil, on a job-share basis to help transfer the avalanche of entries onto the specially commissioned Cray-3-Super-Abacus. Jack comes in in the mornings to get as much as he can onto Veronique’s floppies, and then Phil arrives at about noon to take his place and then Jack’s off all afternoon…

…Its nice to see that so many of you are regularly visiting the website or providing feedback in various ways. Indeed, yesterday Veronique came into the office with our postbag, which she turned upside-down allowing a small mountain to fall onto my desk. So a big thank you to whichever one of you it was who sent me that scale model of Kilamanjaro. Veronique likes it very much and she’s given it pride of place on the mantelpiece. She’s noticed, you see, that I like to have something to look at while I stoke the fire. She may even get a tattoo of it on her back…

…Thanks to the untiring work of Veronique who stayed up all last night grinding the digits, the results of The Armchair Pundits Fantasy League are in and I can see no reason to keep them from you any longer…

…Now that it’s all over Veronique is going back to France for the rest of the summer. I tried to persuade her to stay a bit longer to help me redecorate the flat and install a deep-pile carpet in the living room, but she says she prefers to lay a good hard wood and didn’t fancy the sound of my shag…

Euro 2004

…Fans of Veronique, the French Exchange Student, will be pleased to hear that she will be helping me once again with some of the administration, and if you’re good I may even post her picture on the website this year. I spoke to her last week on the phone, she says she’s
looking forward to seeing you all in June and can’t wait to slip her legs under my desk, place her scorebooks on the table, and open them both up for me to see…

…I regret to report that Veronique was rather upset at France’s exit from the tournament, you see in spite of their slow start in the early matches she still maintained that they would open up in the latter stages. She also said that I would see her country charge into the final week with more fluid displays. – I told her that if she didn’t use it so much she wouldn’t have to recharge it…

…Veronique and I are finding life equally hectic and distressing. On top of the Fantasy League, she is helping me move a collection of antiques that I have inherited ‘pon the death of a distant relative. There’s a lot of humping involved and moving ornaments and furniture into my flat. I’ve told her she can pick out a couple of items for herself in return for her assistance. I rather like the 18th century writing desk in the study but I think
she has her heart set on a tallboy in the back passage. I’m already getting a lot of use out of all the unexpected stuff I’ve inherited: I am writing this letter on the Victorian typewriter that was bequeathed to me and even now Veronique is sipping from the Edwardian goblet that I’ve come into…

…Now that it’s all over Veronique is returning to France at the weekend. And so tonight she is cooking me a seafood platter as a farewell treat. She’s been down at the fishmonger’s taking advantage of his special cockle day. And this evening she’s been in the kitchen preparing a fish and mollusc dish for me. It smells delicious – I can’t wait to taste her juicy clam and fillet…

World Cup 2006

…Once again I have enlisted the help of French exchange student Veronique, who rang me last night to make the final travel arrangements. She says she can’t wait for June and to get her head down and working on your points…

…French Exchange Student, and APFL Admin Assistant, Veronique wants to me to mention the Digital TV service. I suppose this is the first World Cup where this has been available and it certainly makes life easier for Veronique and I to compile all the stats on assists and goals and the like. She’s been using it round the clock since the first ball was kicked. Hardly an evening goes by where I don’t come into the living room to
find her on my sofa playing with her red button…

…In the meantime you might try a little World Cup pastime Veronique has come up with: watching the team managers on the bench. She says she finds their antics very entertaining and I must agree I found it most enjoyable to sit with Veronique during Togo vs Switzerland, watching Otto Pfister…

…I must say thanks to Chris Sanderson (the website was excellent this year), and Carolle King who shared some of the envelope-licking duties, and of course to Veronique, who kept up with the other licking duties. She will return to France to continue her studies. It’s a shame she can’t stay a bit longer as we’ve both taken up the hobbie of charades recently – how else could we spend the evenings between matches? We’ve got extremely good at the miming, and dab hands at guessing the film titles: last night I watched on as she pulled off Twelve Angry Men in record time – as you can imagine I was keen to get in on the act myself and I’m pleased to report she didn’t complain when I did Carry On, Up The
Khyber…

…Veronique and I have made the most of today’s sunshine playing footie on Glasgow Green: a group of Brazilian tourists saw us in the bushes near where they were playing and invited us to join in their game. She slotted in at left back and, as the only girl on the pitch, she did really well; pulling off an impressive set of tackles. I must say, though, I think she let the winger come inside her a little too often. On one occasion he was even able to shoot inside the box. Sloppy…

…The Brazilian tourists we met have come round to take Veronique for a drink – she had arranged to go out after the football tonight, but after all the excitement today in the park, and with her team beating Spain, she hasn’t got the energy- she’s decided to blow them all off instead. I think it might be sun burn that she’s suffering from because I certainly noticed that, after saying goodnight to them, her face was looking a little red, and
I’m sure I saw a chap come over her lips…

Euro 2008

…As it happens, Veronique is just off to Spain for a quick holiday before getting down to business. She loves the sun and sea down there and, last year, made a friends with a couple of local lads, Pedro and Fernando. She was glad of their company as well when a freak wave took away all her beach accessories. Fortunately, the two lads were only too eager to dip in, lay their hands on her flip-flops, and rubber ring. I’m sure she’ll be well-refreshed come June. See you then…

…The first entry arrives via Email from Dundee. Remember if you can email your entry as well as post it does help Veronique, but if you’re not quite ready for all this technology it doesn’t matter: as she reminded me many times, Veronique takes entries all ways.

…I am in Horley for the first week of the tournament. Just before my departure, Veronique also went down south, but that was just her way of saying goodbye. I’m back in Glasgow on 14/06/2008…

…The Leader-board and The Fantasy Cup draw are now available to view. There may be late entries on my doormat at home that I am not aware of, particularly if they were posted on 06/06/2008 or 07/06/2008. Don’t panic though, Veronique will is there and will post them on to me this evening. She’s been supplied with a stamped envelope and she’ll be stuffing it, licking it and taking it up the box for me tonight. 66 entries so far –
the Euro’ record is 67…

…French Exchange student Veronique’s duties are complete and I just saw her off at the airport to catch her plane back home. She tells me she’s considering becoming a stewardess when she leaves high-school; she likes to practice the safety demonstration and can often be seen helping male passengers into an upright position before take-off…

…Veronique will be there to help though, as usual. To be honest the place wouldn’t be the same without her. You should see some of the things she gets up to between matches. This year she took a special interest in reading the editorials of some of Glasgow’s newspapers and inviting the local journalists round to discuss their work in a group session. At the last meeting though, she forgot to buy enough copies for everyone to refer to. Fortunately I have a photocopier, so after a quick five minutes on my reproduction equipment round the back, she was able to get back to the group and give her full attention to their columns…

…Veronique and I have to go and make our favourite lunch now. We’ve been living on a diet of Beef and Almond Paste sandwiches (don’t knock it until you’ve tried it) throughout the tournament, and we’ve developed ourselves a quite system for preparing lunch in double quick time: she gets the bread slices and margarine, spreads them on the table and then I put in the meat, followed by the nut sauce…

World Cup 2010

…Regular players will be pleased to hear that once again I have enlisted the help of French exchange student Veronique to help me with the administration. She will be joining me once she has returned from her holiday: a bicycle tour of the Trossachs. This weekend she was telling me that she was unlucky enough to sustain a double puncture approaching Loch Katrine, and had to replace both her tyres. Fortunately, two local chaps were more than happy to give her a lift to the nearest garage, take her round the back, and get inner tubes.

…Meantime, Veronique is tugging at my sleeve to get me to accompany her to the Ramshorn Theatre – she has taken up acting lately and has rather a bad case of first night nerves. You see, I don’t need her bent over the desk working on your points twenty-four hours-a-day – far from it; she does tend to get quite a bit of spare time, which, this year, she has chosen to devote to amateur dramatics. She has managed to land herself a part in an all-female adaptation of ‘Twelve Angry Men’. I did initially question whether twelve young, female actresses could possibly pull off ‘Twelve Angry Men’, but she was insistent that the girls were made for the parts. Last week I made the mistake of mentioning that I happened to have some experience at putting on productions and they insisted that I attend a rehearsal, take notes, and afterwards give them the benefit of my good solid
direction. Well I’m pleased to say that I was able to give a few of them a much appreciated pointer here and there. Veronique’s put a lot into this and I’m sure it’ll be a cracker of a show – I can’t wait to get down there tonight to see her opening….So, for those of you who haven’t been keeping track, this is how Veronique will be dishing out the money this year (we share the mailing responsibilities: I do all the typing to prepare for the email-shot, while she is always eager to do the licking and stuffing ready for the money-shot).

…I’m sure Veronique will be back, but I’m beginning to wonder if her interest in these tournaments is starting to wane. She was constantly on at me while I was watching the games to give her my opinion on some sexy outfits she had bought on her shopping trips into Glasgow. She was quite affronted that I continued watching the first Semi-Final and nagged me to give her a verdict on her new skirt and top – I told her quite passionately I would have verdict aplenty, after the game. And when she sported a new party dress during the next game she was most put out that I wouldn’t give her more of a response. What can I say, I had a Semi on.

EURO 2012

…Regular players will be pleased to hear that once again I have enlisted the help of French exchange student Veronique to help me with the administration. She’s coming over to Scotland a bit later than usual this year, as she has a placement to attend at the end of the college year. She’s going to follow her mother’s footsteps and become a criminal lawyer, so naturally she is keen to watch her maman in action, trying a few hardened criminals on the bench. I must say I didn’t take the news very well, and I called in a very angry mood to complain to her about abandoning me in my busiest weeks. I must admit she soon won me round with her soothing French accent: she’s certainly become an expert at handling my testy calls!

…Veronique and I just got back from an afternoon of shoe and clothes shopping. Unfortunately, picking out a dress and some house-shoes took a lot longer than anticipated – Veronique is a little confused by our UK sizes I’m afraid. She got rather flustered and I had to usher her into a changing room to explain dress sizes and slipper lengths.

…Well, Veronique is tugging at me to take her out for a drive. Back home in France she’s got her licence and now she wants to practice driving on Britain’s roads. Trouble is she can’t get used to not having right of way when pulling out into traffic. Anyway, I’m going to take her up the back alley and let her watch the way I like to pull out with a quick spurt. I’m sure she’ll have got the hang of it after a couple of times.

…Well, Veronique and I have been hard at it since the final whistle, and can now report on the Final Overall Standings. To tell you the truth we’ve been under a lot of stress bringing you The Very 11th Armchair Pundits’ Fantasy LeagueTM , and at one point I was nearly at her throat! It was my fault really, I kept her waiting many times each day for the results and should have been more considerate. I mean, I’m sure I would get impatient if I were bent over the keyboard, waiting patiently, only for me to dick her about three times an evening. Then, when, in retaliation, she swiped a sheet of paper out of my hand, I criticised her snatch and all hell broke loose. My fault entirely, I should have known better and I’m glad to say the rough end of her tongue soon got me straight.

…The Very 12th Armchair Pundits’ Fantasy LeagueTM could be a challenge, with action likely to be late at night and twice the number of games to watch and judge. It might be necessary to recruit a couple more helpers to see me through, so if you know a couple of sixteen year-old French students looking for some experience, please point me in their direction. Veronique, for her part, has been filling her time between matches by designing clothes. She’s looking to cash in on the popularity of Hello Kitty with her own range of animal motif vetements, festooned with cartoon animals such as cute little puppies, bunnies and cats. Naturally she’s been showing off her designs for me and I’ve been particularly enjoying her doggy fashion. Although I must say all these clothes lying around are making a bit of a mess of my flat – I came across a pair of her bunny panties last night, and then found her pussy tights spread over the arm of the sofa.

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